the bridge

on wednesday evening the 35W bridge collapsed into the Mississippi river. right in the middle of rush hour traffic. we didn't hear about it until our family out west called to see if we were okay. we were shocked. this is a very prominent bridge going north and south thru the state. zoom and i were just on it the day before, running errands and visiting a couple friends. hubby was coming home from a meeting just an hour before the collapse, and a couple friends we across just minutes prior to the collapse. it is a horrible tragedy and the scene extremely dangerous. the rescue and recovery continues today and is it remains a very dangerous situation. chunks of concrete, re bar, broken glass, pieces of steel, misshapen cars, murky water. THAT is a miracle.
i have not been able to stop thinking about this tragedy and my imagination runs wild with different scenarios where we are directly involved in the collapse. i can work myself to tears thinking about it. one keeps replaying in my head, over and over. zoom and i are coming south on the bridge when it goes out from under us. i panic immediately, aware that we are falling into the water. we hit hard, glass breaks and water starts coming in the car. somehow i get to the backseat and start to get zoom out of his car seat, but the parent-proof belt won't come undone.
in another version i get him out, but we can't get out of the car and i stop the story when we are choking the last breaths of air remaining in the van.
finally last night hubby and i had to go thru my plan of rescue to help me make a new story. we had actually just seen a show on water rescue where they specifically spoke about the best way to get out of a submerged vehicle (but naturally, in my nightmare i forgot everything i learned). what we learned form the show was that if you open a door or window, the water comes gushing in, making it difficult to stay aware of your surroundings and plunging you into the depths. water will slowly fill the car and it will dive nose-first into the water. so first i would get out of my seat belt and get to zoom. after taking him out of his belt we wait until the water level covers the lowest door (most likely the front door), breathing steady and talking calmly. the guy said that power windows and door will actually continue working for a few minutes even underwater. we'd go for that door and paddle for the surface.
what i don't know is how to help zoom hold his breath. do i breath into his mouth and then hold his nose and mouth shut the entire time?? i'll have to do more research there.
it may sound silly to have a plan for something that is so rare, but it has really helped my crazy imagination from going to the worst possible end - watching my child drown in a panic before my eyes.
another thing that has been hard for me is to read all the comments blaming God for such a disaster, calling him cruel and unloving. it is so easy to blame someone when we are hurting, or simply don't have answers. i do, however, consider this such a miracle! only five have been confirmed dead, and while 8 are still missing, there must have been hundreds of people on that bridge, including a busload of kids (sans seat belts) who survived! there are no answers yet, but it is a comfort to me that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God.