raise 'em to break my heart

i remember my friend lisa telling me, as she was expecting her fourth baby and the thought of a baby was not on my mind, "I'm raising these kids to leave me. " we talked about how the love for children comes from a previously untapped part of the heart (we don't love something else less when we have a babe). when something happens to them, our heart is broken. like they don't want to be held in public anymore. or some teenager becomes their hero instead of me! or they get hurt.
last week claire fell down an entire flight of wood stairs to the concrete basement floor. my heart went right to my gut as i heard the tumble. no one is to blame, either of us could have noticed that the door was left ajar ( i tell myself this over and over) but this kind of thing happens.
miraculously, she only cried for about three minutes before pushing out of my arms to continue playing. she has two small scratches above her eye and no bruises. A-mazing!
she seemed fine, but still called 911, why risk it with a babe? everyone came. zoom woke up just as the sirens were coming within earshot. paramedics, fire department, police. we were that house. zoom showed the paramedics his ambulance and talked up a storm.
once they all left i think it really hit both of us. i haven't seen hubby cry, well, in a long time. i was weak and shaky for the rest of the day and i have a rug burn type wound on my elbow, from rubbing against the wall as i ran down the stairs. but our babe is just fine. we are so grateful

having a child pretty much guarantees me a few heartbreaks.

SERIOUSLY?

at first i thought this was a joke.
it's not.
but it isn't telling the whole truth.
since HFCS is in almost everything, the only way to eat it in moderation is to eat real food. that's right, food. the word "natural" is tossed around almost as much as "green", loosing its meaning. just because it is natural doesn't mean it is good

a friend has often said, "there is no such thing as junk food. either it's food or it's junk"

sad, just really sad.

my hope is that my children are going to know what real food is! they'll know how food grows, how to cook, and know the goodness of real food!

who's got talent?

we have spent the past two days on scene of an independent film. zoom was called as a last minute replacement for our friend's movie for film school. the scene he was in was a lemonade stand where "jack" and "jill" convince a business man to sell his business because it isn't fun.
since we were a last minute call, zoom didn't know his lines or cues, so he learned them on the spot. he's got a thing for that...picking up lines. "jill", the 10-year-old actress from Fargo, considered him her little project and rehearsed with him until he had them down. ever distracted by whatever was around him, he maintained his post and rarely missed a cue - that was no act! this kid doesn't miss a thing! you think he isn't listening, but he hears it all and quotes you later!
he not only memorized his lines very quickly, but also other lines.
during a break i heard him reciting one man's line, "where's my phone?!". later, during a shoot, he interjected jill's line before she could!

getting his makeup
shots from the set
and taking a little break, using the "clacker"it was a 20 minute film, but i had no idea HOW MUCH WORK it is to film. every car that drove by, every plane that flew above, neighbors mowing the lawn, people walking by, gawkers, and (seriously?) a man driving an RC car!!! is life really this noisy and i just tune it out? was this a particularly noisy day? or is a film set really very sensitive? my precious 3-year-old patiently persevered as they re-did take after take.
it made me think about child stars.
i'm the first to admit i think my kid's got talent, but this was a little taste of the reality of stardom. these kids were acting the part of kids, but off camera they weren't allowed to be kids. jill didn't have peers to hang around with - they were all adults, many of which didn't really know what to do with her, or were immersed in themselves. at one point she was pretending to be a cat, but jack was the only one who knew what to do with her- and he just wanted someone to throw the frisbee with him. the only schedule was be ready to wait! eat when you get a minute. we squeezed a nap in between scenes one day, but that is hard to do away from home, when you're juiced up on lemonade!
it was, "don't touch that", "get your makeup", "sit here", "say this", "say it again", "now for this camera".... two long days - these kids were exhausted!
at the very end of the second day, zoom was beginning to melt. one more line. i saw his finger in his mouth and wondered if we'd have trouble. he slipped off his chair and came over to me, "i'm ready to go home now". one more line, so close. any other time i wouldn't push it. i know when he is finished. but so many others were counting on us. so i bribed him with a cookie. i wonder how often child stars are bribed, pushed to the limit - for our entertainment.
i'm glad we did it. it was fun to see what our friend does. it was a great experience. if someone sees this film and says, "i've gotta have that kid!", we'll know what to say. we'd like him to be a kid for a while, even if the world doesn't see his talent!

my favorite quote:
camera man: you can call the extension cord "the stinger" - that's film lingo
zoom, looking at him with skepticism: ahhh, my dad calls it an extension cord.

my favorite scene:
zoom dropping his pants and peeing on the boulevard tree - three times!

she's a hoover

things i have found in the Hoover's mouth:

• dirt
• twigs
• leaves
• dust bunnies
• bits of whatever i am making for dinner
• a collection of hair
  
• a connect four piece
  
• large black ant, alive
• caterpillar, also alive
• jalapeno pepper seed
• very sharp teeth
• very strong jaw
  

what i'd like at the end of this stage:

• strong immune system
• a taste for exotic foods
• all my fingers
  

now that i'm three, part two

zoom's new thing is getting out of bed on his own. i know, he's three, all other three-year-old's are doing it. but i was FIVE before i got stopped calling to my mom to help me out.
i love the mornings, he comes out all sleepy-eyed, beaming (even tho it has been a week, he is still rather proud of himself). nap time is great too - unless he gets out before he has slept.
but bedtime is tricky. one night this week he had to "pee AND poop" four times (thankfully two were before we had gone to bed). he has called for one of us to take him, but recently he just hops out and takes himself to the toilet. if that were all we'd be fine. but he has a tendency to get distracted.
earlier this week hubby and i were reading in bed (our room is between zooms and the hallway to the bathroom) when i suddenly realized that zoom was standing at the foot of our bed - freaked me out!
last night hubby heard noises in our bedroom. thinking someone might be breaking into our home he cautiously peered around the corner to find zoom, laying on the floor beside our bed, looking under the bed with the flashlight! really? just thought you'd get up and explore!!?
tonight i heard panicky crying - from the bathroom! i thought he was in bed, but he had taken himself to the bathroom, then couldn't open the door to let himself back out. when i asked him why he didn't call for us to take him, he replied, "i did call fo you because i couldn't open the bathroom door" - no point driving this home, back to bed with you!

i love leftovers!

check out what hubby, zoom and my dad built for zoom's birthday!

all out of leftover wood from a job!!

now that i'm FREE.....

• i can walk by myself to the store
• i don't have to hold hands crossing the street
• i can use a knife all by myself!
• i can ride by myself on the greenway
• i don't need training wheels anymore

and my least favorite, "why?"
i thought we were going to skip the why stage - considering how vocal zoom is. he has been able to ask questions using complete sentences, so i don't understand WHY we are reverting to an unnecessary WHY!!! it has become so automatic that i barely get a sentence out before he is asking, "why?". sometimes i answer, but when we get caught in a spiral of why-response-why-response, i just stop talking. he usually isn't even listening anymore.

the other day hubby asked him, "why do you ask why?".
his response? "dad, why do YOU ask why?"

"i love that everything is not falling down"

he says the craziest things! what does that even mean?? i couldn't even see that ONE thing was falling down.

and here are some more:

• "DO YOU SEE THIS??!!" as dad bench presses him against the ceiling
• "i love (insert whatever you are eating)"
• i LOVE the soft part of my toast
• oh! you can get nutcrackers at any store you want! old navy, the co-op, home depot...
• dad! can i have some of your milk. i have some spiciness right here (pointing to his mouth)
• when i'm 16, then i'll be able to put one hand around my cup
• i locked the car, just for fun
• oh dad! can i have some of your water? i'm dehydrated!
• good mor-ning! i just woke up from a GREAT snooze! hey! the sun woke up before me!
  

from the back seat of the car:

• "hey! it's the Sweeedis Eeenstitute. but i call it the toot."
• "i'm wooking fo MS Buiwders. i wook in da office and at da job site, but wite now i am taking a bwake"
• "no way! who is jose?"
• let's go to the O.M.I.C! (the YMCA)
  

on the toilet

• "mom, can you help me gunt while i poop? no, i have to do it myself"
• "mom, can you hand me that - not the big silky magazine, but the small book?"
• "oh! i need angie's list!"

and in a public bathroom

• mom! i need a magazine! me: there isn't one here. z: can i pretend the toilet paper is a magazine? me: sure! z: you are using a BIG magazine to wipe me!

in the garden

• so, deez are tomatoes. see deez liddo guys? dey are cuke-nuts. dis is basil and see deez pur-po guys? dey are turnips!

getting ready for bed

• i prefer NOT to wear pj's

from the bedroom

• jingle bells, jingle bells.....i don't even know what sleigh means!
• ringo, ringo, ringo star. how i wonder what you are
• mick and donald had a farm. E I yo yo yo!

learning to ride his bike

• i fink i am weady for the greenway
• i'm wearing my shirt like the guys on the greenway (tucked into his shorts)
• jennifer (hubby's biz partner), can you say Nike swish?
• i need a crescent wrench to fix the wheel on my bike