creative wins over scarry

i don't like being scared, and sugar just isn't good for children, so i don't have much fondness for halloween. the past couple years we figured zoom was too young and we just skipped the whole thing. this year we decided to stay home so that the kids could get to bed at a reasonable hour. that meant we had to have something to hand out, just in case some kids came to our door. i spent way too much time agonizing over what to pass out; stickers, noisemakers, fun pen/pencil, bouncy balls, and even contemplated raisin boxes (which would delight my little ones!). in the end i bought a marketed package of candy just like everyone else. if i really wanted to protest, i guess i would just shut off the lights, but there are some cute costumes on the little ones.
zoom asked why we were buying candy - we NEVER buy candy - so i explained that some children might be coming by to go trick or treating, and that most kids preferred a treat over a trick.
we had dinner and were playing around when zoom asked if the twick-o-tweeters would be coming. "i better get on my costume" he told me, and disappeared into his room. a few minutes later he emerged with his superman pjs, a diaper cover over the pants and a pair of pants on his head. he was hysterical! dancing in front of the mirror he exclaimed, "what will the twick-o-tweeters say when they see me??!!", but before we could answer he continued, "they'll say, ' look at that guy with supa-man pjs on! he's got a diaper cover over his pjs' and pants on his head, WHAT??' " we were laughing so hard and so proud of his clever costume.
he and hubby set up a pile of beanbags and sofa cushions and practiced flying.
we had a handful of kids come to the door. of course when he went to the door, all the boldness disappeared and zoom just stood behind hubby and watched the bigger kids.
around 9pm a kid around 6 years old stopped by, alone. sad.
about 9:30 a dad came, with a picture of his child, who apparently was sick and unable to come out. seriously? it makes more sense to go door-to-door than to just pick up a bag of his favorite candy? questionable.
i'm pretty sure zoom put it all together this year...these kids are my age, and we're giving them candy! i have no regrets - we actually held off for three years! we had a great evening and i do not think i have withheld anything good from my child!
then there's this one, trying her best to scare people away from our front door

some comfort

while rocking the babe this evening
all the lights turned off
soft music playing in the background (and an occasional "MOM!!! I HAVE TO GO PEEEEEE!)
i glanced out the window to the apartment next door
two windows mirrored my scene; baby in arms, soft lights, parents praying for sleep.
i am not alone.

politcal quote of the day

this evening we hosted a civics 101 class. a political conversation for folks like us who don't want politics to be our other full time job. a couple friends who are very knowledgeable in this arena and love talking politics came over to lead the lesson and discussion. it was great - basic stuff most ninth graders know, but somehow i don't remember learning - like:

• what decisions does the president really get to make?
  
• do political parties even matter?
  
• what does the house of reps do?
  
• how do i know who to vote for!!!???
  

the last question doesn't have an answer yet, but i still have 7 more days. part of the problem is that i lost most of my interest some time last year - this election seems like it has been going on forever!! every year i say i am going to crack down and familiarize myself with the vocabulary, but every year i realize it is an entire language, and i'd really rather learn spanish!
trying to keep the kiddos quiet for the conversation was challenging. the girl is resisting using sign to say "more", choosing rather to pound her fists on the table and yell loudly. tonight i didn't push her - more food to keep quiet. zoom knows how to whisper now, but really doesn't like whispering. he did great. when he wanted to play with loud toys, he took them into his room. at one point we heard him singing at the top of his lungs, playing the guitar. later he told hubby he was playing, "up on top of a mountain is a birdie" (we aren't familiar with that song either, but apparently we should know it well). "it just seemed like the right song" he told us. coming back into the room he boldly declared, "mom! there's a mouse in our kitchen!" - there goes that secret!
near the end of the evening, zoom was sitting on my lap, sucking his finger, doggy in hand. suddenly he sat up and said, "wait! which one is sarah palin? i fought sarah palin was coming tonight".

baffling miracle

back in may, my mom had a stroke. her two carotid arteries were almost entirely blocked. my mom wasn't a candidate for a stroke, and doctors were speechless when we questioned how she ended up with such severe blockage. even more mystifying was when she walked out of the hospital without any physical side effects.
during followup doctor visits she is continually called a mystery, a miracle, and many of our questions remain unanswered. other than taking a blood thinner, her life has been very normal. she is simply much more aware of life itself.
this week her doctors took her off coumadin, declaring both her arteries "normal"!
while we are still a bit shocked by the whole experience, we are grateful.
compelled to savour this life.

i did it ALL-BY-MYSELF

no, this is not a post about the most frequently used phrase by my zoom.
this is indeed about me! i canned a batch of tomatoes a couple weeks ago and this week i did beans! my friend taught me how to can last year, then this summer we did a canning session at church, but i was still very hesitant to do it on my own. first, it takes a fair amount of labor, preferably without children hanging around - that kind of time is scarce in my world. i also have a little fear of canning gone bad. i'm not even so worried about poisoning my entire family with botulism, much less noble, i don't want my time wasted!
but i did it!
7Qts, 4Pints of Tomatoes
12Pints spicy beans and carrots

aren't they BEAUTIFUL!?

i fell into a vat of chocolate

i love chocolate. dark chocolate. rich chocolate.
i have always dreamed of having a vat of chocolate on my stove. yesterday my dream came true.
we went to a wedding and the guests were invited to bring a pie for the reception (LOVE IT!)
i made La Bete Noire, the black beast!
my finger slipped into the vat a couple times. it was divine.
zoom helped me whisk the ganache and "clean up".
you can see how quickly he went from calmly licking the whisk ,
to getting a little chocolate crazy, and finallycompletely insane!!! he didn't want to stop eating the chocolate - atta boy!

at the wedding someone at our table called it a brownie. i had to correct him. you can easily eat a half dozen brownies, but this, just one small slice will do.

forgot to mention that the entire pot was nearly "lost" (i am sure i would have found something to do with it) because the recipe calls for pouring the chocolate into a springform pan, wrapping the pan in foil and placing in a baking dish so that water can be poured in the dish,halfway up the side of the pan. didn't MEASURE the pan, so when it came time to setting that springform pan into the baking dish it didn't fit!!! i searched thru my kitchen for baking dishes, pans, even considering my canning pots, but this springform pan has handles that are just about a half inch wider. finally i spotted the giant cast iron wok - not even mine! we are probably indefinitely storing for friends, but it FIT!! praise praise!

exhaustion

my friend posted about a month ago about her frustration and exhaustion raising kiddos about the same ages as mine. i think i hit that point as well. knowing that she has gone before me makes it a tad easier - that maybe it's normal?? but it is SO HARD!
the ladybug is moving around so much, crawling almost as fast as i can walk. she cruises along furniture, reaching for whatever she can grab. she forages the smallest particles off the floor, gets them into her mouth and clamps shut. she dumps out any container she can reach. she finds open doors. she discovers all electrical outlets and enjoys pulling out cords. i'm always picking up and putting away, but you'd never know by looking.
zoom is testing the boundaries relentlessly. i know that is his job right now. i know my job is to be consistent, but that is SO HARD! he catches me off guard and suddenly i realize i didn't acknowledge a misbehavior. or the opposite, i am saying the same thing over and over and over, getting louder and louder, angrier and angrier.
so many more negative words come out of my mouth than i want - don't do this, stop, ahhhhh!, that is not okay, NOOOO!,... So much time in 'time out' or 'taking a break'.
am i even noticing his good behavior or am i using that time to personally refocus?
i didn't think i would be this mom. not that i thought i wouldn't be angry or sad, but grab at him the way i do?? so relieved when he is in bed (and so grateful that he sleeps thru the night!) i felt some comfort the other night while having dinner with friends (who have children of various ages). one mother said, "if you have a high energy child and you have NEVER felt like ringing his/her neck, you aren't being honest with yourself".
i haven't rung his neck, i guess that's what's important, right? kind of like PPD - it's perfectly normal to think about smothering your crying baby because the sound is so horrible, but a very different thing to actually DO it.
the ladybug resists sleep - so i get less sleep or time without the kids. she doesn't want to go down for naps or at bedtime if anything is going on or anyone is awake. what are the chances of THAT?
i am tired. my eyes hurt during the day.
if/when they do nap, thankfully it usually overlaps for at least 30 minutes. but what do i do during that time?? take a moment for me? fold the piles of laundry that are constantly filling the couch? work on our finances? plan a week of meals - or maybe just tonight's meal? tidy up? phone someone?
i don't feel like i ever get caught up.
then there are so many things i WANT to do. crafts, keeping up on their baby memories, do a little of my own decorating, garden,
i know it is a stage, and i have not forgotten the difficulties of previous stages that are now past. i know there will be more difficult phases to come (like teenagers out at night), but that doesn't make it any less difficult now.

last night some friends came over to care for the kids, giving us a night out. this is the first time we've left the girl with anyone besides the grandparents. she was really weepy, but we had to go - such a different feeling from leaving zoom for the first time. i know how much i need this.
less than two hours later we got a text that both the kids were asleep! wow!! we can't even do that some nights! we had a nice time, came home and had some great conversations with our friends, and we all slept really well last night.
maybe there is hope.