simple light

maybe a little energy is returning.
perhaps a little hope.
telling the kids about our friday night power outage became the new story. they were in bed and missed out on all the excitement of rummaging around for candles, headlamps, checking with tenants, preparing for the worst, then full power in just over an our. but the story was so full of excitement, rich in mystery, and prompted a candlelit dinner last night.
that is the beauty of children. simplicity. we don't need crazy movie story lines. ours is crazy enough. and just a smidge of a story can be made into something big and wonderful.

when i listen to those little ones, i am actually helped in my return to simplicity.

she blooms

i am slightly amused by my previous entry, considering the subsequent days have been riddled in great choas, stress, lack of sleep, frustration at mothering, overcommitment, being late, more meltdowns than normal, and really bad sleep.
the previous entry also gives me a little hope that i'll have another day like that.

but i have found great joy from a little plant in my office for the past few days.

for our first anniversary, my horticultural friend jan gave us a Cliva. she had grown them beautifully here in the Minnesota tundra and had confidence that i would be equally successful, providing i bring it into the sun room for the long winter. while horticulture is my field of study, i have had terrible success with houseplants. terrible. i like plants that are right for the spot, ones that do most of the growing (if not all) on their own. so maybe my lesser interest in plants that i have to help survive indoors plays a role in them not doing so well in my home.
but, the delight of the week was the bloom (after 5 years!!) of our little Cliva. she is brilliant, even though she seems a little stunted, her flower stuck down in the leaves. she is a miscellaneous variety, so maybe the flower is supposed to stay low in the plant. i don't even care - she is lovely!

a challenge in feeding myself

this morning i felt productive enough to pull out the sewing machine and finish a couple projects. the kiddos were playing so well together.
but this is why it is hard to do any major crafting with them awake:

they are magnetized to the project i am working on.
claire actually climbed on to the table and laid down behind the machine so she could watch the needle. jack was sorting my sewing machine tools and began cleaning the machine with the dusting brush.
thankfully, no ones fingers were impaled by a needle, no pins were stuck into the motor, the machine is spotless, and the project was finished (a little wrap around dress/shirt for claire).
i think it is sweet that jackson has a favorite stitch on my sewing machine, #17, and recognizes #5 (zigzag) on a person's clothing.

a good morning

mornings can feel unproductive for me. i feel the heaviness of being woken up multiple times heaped on top of the reality of being a night owl, not a morning person. once claire is awake, she is running full force. "i need to eat", or "have a widdle snackie mom", or "i hungry" are the first words out of her mouth. i usually stumble around, make a first breakfast for her (she'll want to eat again when jack wakes up)
this morning was different. maybe it was that she only woke up once, then slept in until 6. maybe i had more energy to start the day.
the usual morning activities continued for the next hour and a half until jackson woke (most of which are interrupted by another item until bit by bit the list gets completed. or not);

• start the water for coffee
  
• unload the dishwasher
• feed her bottomless pit
• get her set up on a quiet game in her room
• make a cup of coffee
• fold some laundry/put last nights folded laundry away
• get myself dressed
• take her to the potty
• again, attempt to make that cup of coffee
• refocus the entertainment to one that is respectful for a sibling who is still sleeping
• clean up a potty miss
  

its usually the cup of coffee that doesn't quite get completed. or gets made and one sip, then abandoned to clean up a potty mess, after which is cool. one cup. that's all i want. but i have become rather snobbish about that one cup. must be hot, fresh in order to be worth the one cup a day! since those expectations are rarely met (usually the cold factor sets in) i am wondering how i can adjust my expectations - but this is one of those things i don't want to budge!
so you can imagine my elation when i found myself at the table with my cup of coffee, the magazine claire had earlier asked me to read to her (my mothering mag), and my breakfast, ALONE!!
yes, alone.
do you eat with your children?
i love breakfast foods, but am not a morning eater. i used to call it morning sickness, sick i almost got sick to my stomach if i would eat, but my mom encouraged me to call it something different. while i like the idea of eating meals as a family, breakfast is the one i give up easily. sometimes it is the only guaranteed time to get that dishwasher completely unloaded, the kitchen cleaned up, finish making my cup of coffee, and get myself fully dressed.
it took me a minute to realize i was alone, that i actually could read an article in the middle of the morning, and sit while i finished my hot cup of coffee.
i thought about checking on them in the living room, but i could hear almost every word. they were reading to each other. sweet bliss!! yesterday while they were napping, the neighbor girls came over with a bag of books they had grown out of, so the kids have been devouring fresh books. i heard jackson say, "yes, claire, that is a gorilla!!" and "let's read this one next". claire would happily comply, prompting him to tell her about another page. they giggled together.
i was in heaven.
five minutes peace.
savor.
at the library last week, claire picked up the book, Five Minutes Peace by Jill Murphy. she had no idea how perfect this book was for our family. it describes a mother's repeated attempts to slip away from her three children, for just five minutes peace.
this morning i got mine!!
i just wish i knew the recipe to repeat it.

i agree with albert

"i think it's nice that there are all different kinds of lunches and breakfasts and dinners and snacks. i think eating is nice"
albert, frances' friend
Bread and Jam For Frances, by Russell Hoban

i really like this book. Frances is so honest about how she feels about things. i like that the family eats a variety of foods. i love the lengthy description of albert and frances' lunches. i love that it encourages us to try new foods!!

books like this are entertaining for us as parents to read aloud to our kiddos! Skippy John Jones is another favorite!
what do you read aloud to little ones?

another one bites the dust

i just boiled the 5th kettle dry.
who does this??!!
apparently, i do.
growing up in seattle, i constantly needed hot beverages in hand. we had a wood stove and i kept a kettle full, simmering on the stove at all times. that was the first to go. all it took was setting the pot to boil, to make a cup for the road, but forgetting to actually pour the cup, then leaving the house for the day. i came home to find the bronze kettle fiery red!
the second was my mom's white stovetop kettle with a green wire of ivy wrapped around it. the old make-a-hot-beverage-for-the-road trick got me again. this time it was my mom who came home to find the kettle black and smoking!
my parents then restricted me from using a kettle, for fear of loosing their house. i humbly used the electric kettle which had a handy shut-off valve! you'd think i would be set. nope. one morning there was an explosion, right where the cord connects to the kettle and that kettle was done.
my parents installed a hot tap and they have been living free of fear for years!

now i have my own house and very little counter space. the first stainless kettle lasted nearly 4 years before it burned dry after simmering too long with too little water.
my mom was the one who bought us an elecrtic, automatic shut-off kettle to keep her grandchildren safe. hubby loved it and, being a bigger tea drinker (while i had moved to drinking coffee), he moved it to the offices in the basement where it now resides.
so i bought another stovetop kettle last year.
it was the smell of burning metal that made me spring from my seat yesterday. too late.

is this odd?
is it also odd that both the tea kettles i have purchased have lost their ability to whistle after a couple weeks?
i'm not going to stop drinking hot drinks.....

jackson's prayer for Haiti

dear God,
i pray that you would figure out how earthquakes are made so that you can keep them from ever happening again.
amen

a little catch up

the list is long, so a list it will be! thanks a.borealis for the idea!

• our first christmas as a family of four was pretty dreamy. a quiet morning just being together, savouring the gift opening (which was extra quiet because of the cloth bags i made for wrapping instead of paper!!)
• its a little overwhelming to think about the new traditions we get to start with them. exciting and overwhelming. i want to be intentional, but am feeling like i am just one step ahead (and sometimes completely winging it) and just can't find the time to think ahead.
  
• hubby and i generally don't exchange gifts. i have not kept up on my mending very well, so i worked hard to repair a stack of his pants and wrapped those up.
• i was surprised to receive a gift from him - a sewing table with a lift!!
  
• so great that the thing that has kept me sane this winter, sewing, is something that he appreciates as well!
  
• i have been wanting a sewing machine for years, and "sort of" shopping for one, for years. i finally got one and LOVE IT! i have a whole list of projects and photos to post, at a future date.
• this winter is way more fun with kids. they both love being outside. claire understands the value of mittens now. they "work" together to shovel and create, and eat snow.
• it has been really cold, so our outside time is limited.
  
• but, we have had really fun craft time
• hubby built the kids a work table for christmas. it is white board, so they can color on it, and magnetic, so they build all kinds of structures with these sticks and balls i got free at the BD&A sale (where my sibs work). it has a little lip, so things don't roll off the table. AND, the legs are adjustable so the table can become a vertical work board!
  
• it was the hit, coming second to the green nail polish jack got in his stocking :)
• claire's fav gift was the orange. ahhhh, love the simplicity of my food lover.
  
• hubby grew up with a fun tradition that we started in our home: his grandpa would re-stuff the stockings at new years, filled with fruit and nuts! the kids loved it!!
• both kids really latched onto the santa part of christmas. i am not into santa, and certainly didn't initiate the conversation, but am not going to tell them it is a lie and prevent them from using their imagination (or shaming other kids from believeing) the concept is awfully close to believing in an unseen God!
• but...this santa thing just isn't quitting! just this morning we were sitting on the bean bag and claire glanced over her shoulder towards the fireplace, "santa coming down the fire pit?" she asked with a hesitancy.
  
• since both the kids have expressed a bit of concern for this, we have responded that all stranger, and friends for that matter, knock at the front door for us to let them in. it is really disturbing to think of a stranger coming into your house while you are sleeping - even if it is to leave a gift! and for our family....and who knows what jackson is thinking about our real life home invasion...it puts a whole new spin on this santa coming down the chimney thing. boo.
• claire loves baby jesus and "jope-seff"
• she sings "silent night", "frosty the snowman" "jingle bells" and "happy christmas to you" constantly.
• every time we see a home decorated with christmas decorations, the kids yell, "CHRISTMAS!!!!!"
  
• chores! jackson is really loving having chores! he thinks it is so cool that he can clear the table and wants to help load the dishwasher too! he is my square folder (folds any clean laundry that is a square shape) and claire is the sock matcher.
  
• they still like to destroy a pile of folded laundry, but...i'm trying to look at the bright side of things.
• speaking of bright.....it has been a long winter. i know, i just said it has been great, but it has also been long. as much as i anticipated it being difficult for me, and have tried to be proactive about my mental state, i have really been battling. depression? maybe. seasonal affective disorder? probably. it is so hard to get enough sunlight, hard to remember to take extra vit d. and, still not getting enough sleep. and, only wanting hot beverages i am sure i am a little dehydrated too.
• ironic that we just finish The Long Winter in the little house series. we have certainly related to the ways that laura describes the isolating feelings of a cold, dark winter.
  
• and reminded us how many resources we have! stores to buy food, instead of starving. transportation, instead of being trapped for days inside. community, instead of seeing only family for an entire winter!!!
• seriously, how did Ma do it? four kids, teeny tiny house. did she battle with depression?
  
• supper club has been a lifesaver! i don't have to think about what we are having for dinner every night. dinner prep is simple. other people's food taste so good!
• jackson is really into writing notes to people. he has spent hours carefully drawing a picture, making an envelope and using his own tape to secure the note. we address and stamp and mail the little treasures to special people on his mind.
• i really hope to get back into regular blogging.....ni-night!