home invasion: check.

i know, its a month old now, but it has taken me some time to process, and nighttime isn't great for process this! (as you can imagine). but it was important for me to process...

living in the city has its challenges.
the street is busy, horns honking, cars starting, doors slamming.
our windows are leaky enough so that we hear people talking as they walk by along the sidewalk. at night we hear the baby crying who is up way past his bedtime.
and, sure, there is crime. crime is everywhere, but naturally, with a greater population density, there is more in the city.
since we moved in almost four years ago we have witnessed the decrease in crime.
there used to be dealers right on our corner, prostitutes in the apartment right across the street, and we heard an occasional gunshot.
we've had our garage broken into twice now. it is violating, but it is just stuff. and secretly, (or maybe not so secretly), hubby did enjoy the spending spree from the insurance company last time!
we have been very diligent about calling 911 whenever we see anything questionable, and are grateful for many other neighbors doing the same! and it is making a difference!

having grown up in the burbs, i was pretty green moving into the city, just blocks from downtown. i was nervous in the beginning, especially with a new baby, but bit by bit i realized it is a dense community of diverse people, most of whom are good people making a home for themselves. my fears are diminishing, even tho my alertness is more keen, and i really love our neighborhood.
last weekend one of my biggest fears was realized when our home was invaded.
hubby and i were watching a movie on the couch in the living room. we heard a noise from the hallway, and since jack was still awake (and had already summoned us three time!) we figured he had dropped his sippy out of his bed. it was hubby's turn to go check on things, so i paused the movie and waited. when i heard him say, "what are you doing?" in a very severe voice, i wondered, "what COULD he be doing that would merit that kind of tone?". it sounded like they were getting physical and i was really having a hard time figuring out what could be going on - could jack be sleepwalking, passing out? hubby could hold him easily in one arm, so it was quite mysterious, until i heard another man's voice.
my heart skipped a beat - probably more - someone was in my house!
my phone is never with me, so it took me a minute to remember i had left it on the buffet. i fumbled with the buttons, trying to dial three simple numbers (not a great selling point for these touch pad phones where the dialer is an option to choose, not the opening screen!), while my mind was running in circles. should i go help? should i hide? run? i had children back there! i knew jack was awake and is so sensitive to noises that i was certain he was upset. was there more than one person? was hubby winning? if i went back there and i got hurt too, that's not much good. if i didn't get thru to the police, we would be in this all alone.
i choose to hide in the dark corner of the sun room until i got our address thru to 911. i ran to open the front door - i didn't want anyone trapped inside or out! i know the job of the 911 dispatcher is to remain calm, in hopes of keeping people like me calm, but my frustrations at the questions drew cursing my lips rarely use. i DON'T know what the intruder looks like - i haven't seen him and i'm not going back there to get a description! i don't even know if my husband is winning! i have children back there! WHERE ARE THE COPS?!!
finally hubby hauled a man from the hallway and threw him down in the dining room, pinning him to the ground. he asked if i had called 911, assured me that he was okay, and told me to check on jack.
jack was hysterical, sitting up in his bed crying. i was still on the phone with the 911 dispatcher, shaking, and trying to find a peaceful voice to give comfort to my child.
right away it was clear that he didn't really know what was going on, PTL! the loud noise scared him and he was upset that his carpet was messed up. he calmed down quickly and asked what dad was doing. his open door, which i was not about to close, gave a perfect view of two pair of legs on the dining room floor, so i simply said that dad was wrestling. he started giggling, like Will Farrell in 'Elf', "why is he wrestling?!" whew!
it was less than five minutes, but it felt like hours, and the cops were not there. knowing jack was

i returned to the front door.
standing there, the neighborhood looked quiet.
many nights i enjoy sitting out on the steps, enjoying the summer night air.
tonight, no one even knew what was going on inside our home was far from peaceful!

"they are just a few blocks away" the dispatcher told me, interrupting my thoughts. two, maybe three cars pulled up to the house. the officers were flying out of the car before the cars seemed parked. they rushed the front door so quickly, i had to jump out of the way, and pig piled on the duo. seriously, that is what it looked like. i am sure they had some kind of orchestrated way of taking over, but hubby came out with a few bruises.
i returned to jack, who was on the edge of his bed, all excitement, trying to see as much as he could. "what are the POLICCCCE doing here??!!". i explained that someone came to take something from us. it isn't okay to take things that aren't yours (this statement is very familiar to him). when you are a kid, you have a time out. adults have to go to the police station for their time out. he seemed to be content with that answer, but really wanted to know what the guy was trying to take. "did he want my guitar and claire's instruments?", "was he going to take my carpet?", "did he try to take 'Make Way For Ducklings'?", then, looking around (as if to think of other things) he thought of the biggie, "was he going to take the hinges off my door and take my DOOR???!!" it was nice to have a little humor in the midst of this trauma.
i was finally able to get him quieted, assuring him dad would have more of a story for us tomorrow (total delay tactic), he settled down and immediately fell asleep.
when i came into the dining room, the police were talking with hubby. he told his story version of the story.
when he went to the hallway to listen, he expected to hear jack say he needed to go pee or ask a clarifying question about our plans for tomorrow. instead, he saw a man walk into jack's room.
immediately he tackled the man, right there in jackson's room. he wrestled him into the hallway where he threw him against the wall and frisked him for weapons. while reaching for his phone to call 911, the guy twisted away, back into our room (probably to get out the window where he came in). hubby tackled him on our bed, then dragged him into the dining room where he could pin him to the floor and lay on top of him until the police came. clearly, he picked the wrong house.

after the police took him away, CSI came to do fingerprinting. it seemed over the top since we caught the guy with his pockets full, but since the police department have enough resources right now they want to do whatever they can to remove all reasonable doubt.
the officer who spoke with us was great, very compassionate, very gentle. he took a lot of time reassuring us that they are here to help and that if we even feel uneasy, to call and they will send a squad car over to check things out. it really affirmed how i want to think about our police department. what i imagine, but don't often experience or hear others experience. that they are real people, and care about people, not just about getting the job done and arresting the bad guys.

claire slept thru the entire ordeal.

the aftermath:

apparently a home invasion like this doesn't happen often. burglars don't want an interaction with a person. most burglaries take place during the day when homeowners are at work. if the lights are on, or it is clear someone is home, it just isn't an easy target. our lights were on, "Brian" just wasn't thinking clearly.
that hasn't helped me process much. knowing it was random makes me wonder if another random one could happen to us. i know that statistically it will never happen to us again, but now that i have a picture in my mind of what it does look like, my mind can go crazy working all the various scenarios. and has. especially at night, laying in bed, praying for sleep to takeover the tape rolling in my mind. loosing sleep has been the worst for me. everyone else seems fine. and that is getting better. i keep a large rolling pin by my bed, just in case, and don't plug my phone in the kitchen to recharge anymore.
it just sucks. i understand the value of being alert, not putting on makeup in the car early in the morning with the doors unlocked. i won't even walk around after dark, by myself. but in my own home i have an expectation that i can let my guard down. i want to live like that. i don't like how rigid i feel when i walk down that hallway (at least i don't bring a weapon with me anymore). when i get up to answer the middle of the night call from my children, i don't want to have to splash my face with water so that i will be ready in case i meet up with someone else.

and all for a cheap date. not that we had anything of value for him to take, but he picked a strange collection: the portable dvd player, emptied the piggy bank, took perfume and condoms (it took me 5 years of married life to finally buy condoms!! come on, man!)

we just heard that he is out of jail, with the help of a bail bondsman and an agreement to enter treatment. it made me a little more nervous at first, but i'm fairly confident he won't be back. now i have these funny thoughts of running into him in the grocery store, also very unlikely. we'd like to go to the final hearing (no date set yet) at least to read a statement and give him a face and story to his crime.
i have felt strangely compassionate towards Brian from the beginning. he is only 21 years old with plenty of life yet, especially if he makes some good decisions moving forward. i want to know his story. did his family life give him reason to choose theft? was this completely random choice while under the influence? i want to meet him, talk with him, and encourage him to find people who will give him support. i feel such hope for him. i don't want to attend the hearing and see him, sulking in the corner, feeling nothing.

above all we are thankful. my imagination has conjured up just about every scenario that could have taken place, and none of them played out as well as the actual one. we are thankful it was hubby's turn to check on jack. we are thankful there was just one person, that he had no weapon, and that hubby was stronger. we are thankful that no one came out of it with more than a few bruises and a worry tape to play in our minds. we are so thankful that jack seems to be quite unaware of what actually happened.

so, to quote our guide while travelling in Africa, "don't worry, be ready"
stay alert. use your locks. know where your phone is. remember how very strong your elbow is! live life!