raise 'em to break my heart

i remember my friend lisa telling me, as she was expecting her fourth baby and the thought of a baby was not on my mind, "I'm raising these kids to leave me. " we talked about how the love for children comes from a previously untapped part of the heart (we don't love something else less when we have a babe). when something happens to them, our heart is broken. like they don't want to be held in public anymore. or some teenager becomes their hero instead of me! or they get hurt.
last week claire fell down an entire flight of wood stairs to the concrete basement floor. my heart went right to my gut as i heard the tumble. no one is to blame, either of us could have noticed that the door was left ajar ( i tell myself this over and over) but this kind of thing happens.
miraculously, she only cried for about three minutes before pushing out of my arms to continue playing. she has two small scratches above her eye and no bruises. A-mazing!
she seemed fine, but still called 911, why risk it with a babe? everyone came. zoom woke up just as the sirens were coming within earshot. paramedics, fire department, police. we were that house. zoom showed the paramedics his ambulance and talked up a storm.
once they all left i think it really hit both of us. i haven't seen hubby cry, well, in a long time. i was weak and shaky for the rest of the day and i have a rug burn type wound on my elbow, from rubbing against the wall as i ran down the stairs. but our babe is just fine. we are so grateful

having a child pretty much guarantees me a few heartbreaks.