school days

a season of life has ended and a new one begun. i made my first school lunch today.

as i cut the veggies and portioned out its dip, i felt a little tug on my heart.

my boy made a big step in independence. today was the first day of kindergarten. full day kindergarten. i have had the honor of spending the majority of his waking moments in his company and loved almost all of them! his passion for discovery has inspired me to find so much joy in learning about life together. his creativity is amazing, his sensitivity has helped me verbalize my own thoughts more clearly, and he is seriously so very funny!

it feels like a big moment to pass this baton (a seven hour chunk of his day) over to another teacher. while this might seem dramatic, my biggest fear is that i will get his leftovers. the exhausted moments, the meltdowns will be saved for me, while his best energy will be spent with other people.

at the same time, we are thrilled to have a school that we love, within walking distance (he can practically see home from his classroom window!), and have more resources for his learning and development! we are excited to join the school as a family and participate in his learning together.

it helped that he has been very excited to start school. he was up and dressed with plenty of time to play with claire before the banana split breakfast (with yogurt instead of ice cream and warm berries as the sauce). i thought it would be a fun way to begin the year with a special breakfast, but the joke was on me. i forgot my kids have never had a banana split and had no idea what i was talking about. claire asked if it would taste like her spit. maybe this weekend we'll have to have real banana splits!

claire packed a backpack, jackson wore his "X-ray vision" glasses (old sunglasses with missing lenses), and we walked to school.

he had a great day. he remembered a few kids names, thinks his teacher is nice, and had "the shortest recess EVER!".

but, he loved his lunch!! he asked if i could make him veggies and dip again tomorrow.

artful life

last night i went to an artists discussion at a local art gallery. a few of my friends had pieces in the show. the curator, my friend sarah, spent the past year exploring art and motherhood, where she took and posted one photograph each day for the entire year. it was beautiful to spend the year with her and it made me think about how something i really value (art) has been put on hold during these early years of mothering. the discussion furthered those thoughts, validated the pause that mothering has placed on some of my art, and helped me see a bigger picture of the ebb and flow of expressing myself thru art.

prior to having children i didn't' really consider myself an artist. i did art. i did a lot of other non-art things too. i did them when i felt the need to create.

when i thought about what i wanted to be when i grew up my dream was always to be a mother. sadly, i romanticised that profession just a bit, so when the darlings came along i was in a bit of shock about how hard it really was to be a mother. exhausting. time-consuming. emotional. draining. lonely.

and i missed art. i no longer had the luxury of crafting when i felt the urge. i had an obligation to a little person and work with his schedule, which was a more than full-time job. if i had any extra time, i was usually exhausted, preferring to go to bed early rather than pull out an art project.

i no longer had as much choice to do what i wanted. yet i would hear the refrain, "you make room for what is important". yeah, and i'd like to take a shower more often too - am i just not prioritizing that too??

if art truly is important to me, i have to make time for it. and if it is important to me, i certainly want to pass that love along to my children. for that to happen, they have to actually see me DO art.

so i had to rethink art, how to do it and even what form of art to do now and which ones to keep on the back burner.

photography was easy - i would just take billions of photos of my delicious children. both my kids now love to take pictures.

arts and crafts have become more like junk art with the kids participation. the recycle bin is a treasure box of supplies, and recycling the kids art into new art has been a fun way to keep our collection at bay.

projects have to be short as our work space now will be our dinner table in a couple hours.

our craft supplies have replaced the linens and serving dishes in the built in buffet so that they are easy to get when we feel the need to transform the dining room table into a craft table, and can be stashed away quickly.

bigger projects are on hold. i don't have the space to keep a bigger ongoing project open, nor children with the self-control to leave it alone.

my knitting went on hold for a few years, but now we do handwork together. i work on my knitting or sewing while the kids do their handwork. weaving, hand sewing with a large needle, felting and a knitting machine (i think my grandmother had a similar gadget made from a spool). we sit together, help each other and talk.

other forms of art continue to wait for a season that can better support it; painting and quilting.

at the artist discussion last night one woman said, "having children was the most artistic expression i have ever done". i liked that. in fact, creating a person is art!

the kitchen cure

something had to be done.

i appreciate mom unpacking my kitchen 5 years ago. (i also appreciate her doing dishes all day every day she is here visiting, but that's another story). i had a new baby, a new house, a newly remodeled kitchen and i was grateful to have one less thing to do. five years later i am ready to reorganize and purge things from my kitchen. its a small kitchen with lots of storage, but most of it out of reach for little me. the very reachable space is also very accessable to two curious kids who i think are finally old enough to know what they can touch. claire is as obsessed with my glass blue beehive blender as i am , so i will keep it out of reach since she accidently broke my last one!

i digress.

i've been ready to really get after it, but i really needed the help of a friend to help me make decisions, and two days without the kids around. then really, if i get a friend, and two days without the kids, would we really clean my kitchen??

then i saw this post on a blog i occasionally follow. BINGO! a month is much more reasonable length of time for me to do a makeover on my kitchen. the motivation i needed and the weekly checklist to go along with it!

so, last week was the pantry and the refrigerator. seriously, even that was a lot for one week!

i'm going to bare all and show you the before and after photos

a.) because YOU are really the ones that will hold me accountable to continuing this!

2.) i am already really proud of myself

3.) it is fun to see before and after shots!

d.) i'd love your feedback - ideas, suggestions. i still want more counter space and more cuteness

so, here are the before for the spice shelves and pantry! snug, i know!

not too bad, but a lot of spices dusting the bottom shelf, and the basket full of misc spices and jars

the pull out drawers are awesome, but (aside from the bottom two) there wasn't really a place for everything.

and after.....

i know, it still looks crowded, but when you cook from scratch, the pantry IS crowded. what you might not notice is that claire and i labeled jars! we also consolidated and put nearly everything into jars (rather than plastic bags from the bulk food section)

the bottom drawer is snack stuff - nuts, fruit, popcorn

the second from the bottom is dry goods - grains, beans

the next shelf up is baking goods - sugars, misc flours, oils

then there is the adult snack shelf - chocolate, a few boxed mixes, more chocolate

then i moved my foil and wraps to the next shelf (they had been above the refrigerator in a sloppy stack that always fell over). behind them are the rice papers for making spring rolls. seriously, keeping those from getting broken was crazy as they balanced on top of other things - behind the wraps - brilliant.

top shelf is very misc stuff that i don't use often - the bulk bags of bulk teas, steve's jerky making ingredients, white sugar

and the spice cupboard? the hubs noticed before i even told him i signed up for this gig! it might not look too different, but i purged at least 10 jars of spices we just don't use, some old coffee from the top shelf and a few jars with unmatched lids.

found: box of vegetable bullion, extra cumin (my favorite!), and the perfect jar for the bag of home grown oregano

the satisfaction will continue as i battle the refrigerator!

heart strings

starting preschool has made more of an impact on our life than i anticipated!
jackson is going to a little neighborhood dual immersion preschool three mornings a week. it is great and over all we LOVE it! it is really close, very diverse, has a really active community of parents and teachers, and he is learning spanish!
that said, it is amazing how three little mornings a week can feel like so much!

• three days where we really shouldn't try to do much else, lest we get overstimulated
• six extra commutes.
• waking up my deep sleeper every. single. morning!
• finally (i know you scheduled people, i've finally converted) getting ourselves a morning routine.
• stopping the morning play, the best play of the day
• being on time. in the morning!

the first few weeks were hard, he wanted to go to school, but he didn't want to leave me. he didn't want to miss out on what claire and i were doing without him! he would cling to my leg, beg me not to leave, or to take him with me. ironically, claire wanted to be a part of the class and would beg to stay just 5 more minutes, every day! we climaxed a week ago when he began to cry as i left. the day he was holding my leg and claire was prostrate on the ground because she wanted to stay, i asked for back up. for one pretty miserable week (just three mornings) i would stay for only 5 minutes, then a teacher would come take jackson while claire and i left. i couldn't' watch, knowing he was clawing at the walls, the door, anything to come to me. i couldn't look because i knew it was the right thing to do, and peeking would only make me question what i already knew.

preschool is about separation. at the end of the day he only had great things to say about school, so i knew he enjoyed it. the teachers are wonderful and we knew we were leaving him in good care. so it was really the act of watching me leave without him and knowing he was missing out on something else that made him doubt.

the following week was magic - he initiated goodbye, he walked away from me to a project table, he gave me a kiss without hanging on my neck.

considering we had him enrolled for kindergarten this fall i'd say we made the right decision to take a year of preschool! next year he just might be going to school 5 days a week all day long! geez! that is a lot!

i have (okay, still do) thought about the idea of home schooling. i know it would be really difficult for me, but there is so much about it i would really enjoy. already i am missing being his lead teacher! he is only gone from me 7.5 hours a week, but i really miss being the one to see the delight in his eye as he discovers something new. i miss walking with him as he figures something out. i miss being able to point something out that i know will challenge his thinking.

and already i am getting an unsatisfying answer to the question, "how was school?". i have to eavesdrop when he talks with his doggy to hear a few more details.

at the same time, i know that it is my job to help him become a strong individual who knows himself independent from me. a person who has the tools to work thru his thoughts, make decisions, and have confidence in his beliefs. i want him to be able to listen to other perspectives, work in groups, be a positive, helpful person in the community, and grow into the person God made him to be.

i want that.

i know we can't lead him in that alone. my old refrain again - we need our community to help us with that. maybe it is that our relationship with this school is still really new, whereas our relationships with the others who are helping us raise our children are relationships we have fostered for years! i am needing to trust as we grow our relationship.

this is good for me.

and i am still processing all this...the desire to protect, the desire to trust, the desire to let go, the desire to hold on, knowing the balance of these desires.

lady of leisure

on friday mornings we go to swimming lessons along with a group of kids who come with their daycare provider. we've been with this group since jackson was 6 months old, mom/tot style, and really like it. this is the first year where both the kids are in the older class, leaving me free to swim laps!!
last week a couple of the ladies called me a lady of leisure as i came out of the water. even though i am sure they meant no ill by the comment, it really bothered me.
i have never, ever, in my entire life had a regular exercise schedule. ever. it has always felt like a perk. i should go for a bike ride or walk AFTER i get my work done. that never happens, so exercise never really does either. it hasn't been a really big deal since i have always had physical jobs. i delivered newspapers, babysat, and worked at a garden center. i know, you are perhaps remembering my days as a barista and picturing me sipping latte's and taking down a pastry or two each shift. well, i also stood all day, running back and forth from car to car, taking orders (this was no drive thru, rather a drive UP to). and don't under estimate the weight of a gallon of milk, lifted up and out of a refrigerator!
my job now is even more active, i actually even get my heart going some days!
at the same time, now that we are raising children it has made me think about how i teach my children the value of taking care of our bodies when i have never placed a high value on exercise. i really thought about it a lot when the kids were little. biking and walking were the best things for that stage. once jackson started walking (before 10mo) he wanted nothing to do with being buckled into a stroller or bike trailer. this made walking pure misery. claire tolerates a stroller much better, and now that jackson can ride a bike on his own, we can go on a family bike ride together. i have not, however attempted that alone!
doing yoga and stretching together results in me turning into a jungle gym.
the kids biking is more like a stroll for me.
so during the week we have been limited to romping around in the back yard, claire and i strolling behind jackson on his bike, and the once a week yoga at the Y (with free childcare!!)
but, now preschool has started, and wouldn't you know there isn't a class i can take between the hours of dropping him off and picking him up. the class times just don't work.
that leaves friday swimming.
30 minutes for me to swim by myself.
30 minutes of exercise for an entire week.
30 minutes a week of trying to push myself.
which i am sure is why that comment bothered me. i am not a lady of leisure! i work hard and certainly do not consider my small workout leisurely! it feels more like an accomplishment. we are exercising together!

how do you exercise with small children?

spring strawberries

there is not much better than fresh strawberries, right off the vine. or fresh strawberries with yogurt and granola. or fresh strawberries and ice cream.
we had a wonderful day morning at a farm with friends, picking berries, feeding chickens, tasting herbs that were growing all over the place, and (of course) playing an episode of "mama-baby"









we ended up making strawberry jam (my first go at jam) and found this recipe to be really easy and so naturally sweet! the next morning we intended to have strawberry parfaits for breakfast, but we had used up all the strawberries in jam making. blueberry parfaits were excellent as well, especially with a fresh batch of our favorite granola!

NYC

nearly seven years ago we tied the knot. our honeymoon was brief, but sweet,a mere two days at a B&B, after which we both had to return to work. we promised ourselves that we would have a series of minimoons for the rest of our marriage, rather than be disappointed that our first was so short.
we finally got away!
our good friends, chris and jess, have lived in NYC for six years. our desire to go visit them has been great, but there has always been something holding us back - not enough money, no time off, too late in the pregnancy, small baby who doesn't sleep, baby to old to make it fun, two babies,.....
when we found out our friends were finally moving back to the midwest (!!!) we knew we had to make a visit happen, even if i went alone (which had a delightful sound to it!). we had also hoped to have a little family vacation to celebrate the end of self-employment. we settled on a little family weekend away to Duluth and a minimoon to NYC!
did i mention we had never left our children for more than two nights and one day? we did get to Lutzen, just hubby and i, last summer for a weekend, but i didn't consider that a minimoon since he was working and our time together was dependent upon other people's schedule. i worried a little about our kids that weekend, but more for the suffering of our friends who were waking up with claire at O-Dark thirty.
this trip was free of worry, knowing the kids would be happy as clams with their grandparents!
this was a vacation!
it was about being together, uninterrupted conversations, eating really good food, exploring all day, dressing up and not having to worry about greasy fingers, seeing a Broadway musical the night before it wins the Tony, observing styles that will not reach us until next year, not eating dinner before 8pm every night, having dessert from the Chocolate Room every night (yes, we did), "man games" between chris and steve, crazy good food, interesting archetechture, ...
it was what we had hoped it to be!

ode to the man

self-employment ended last week.
after 15 years of being his own boss, the hubs finally felt ready to let someone else be the boss.

it feels appropriate to acknowledge a few of the unique and varied jobs he has created for himself over the years.
it was around first grade when he felt like the school bus needed some organization, so he created bus monitors and delegated the role to different peers. this lasted a few weeks until the bus driver realized what was happening and called it quits. his mama could see leadership right from the start, even if the principal felt it necessary to reprimand the little problem solver.
later, he and some friends had a booth at school where they would find out the answer to any question (remember, this was long before google)
he ran his own lawn mowing company, painting company, residential remodeling company, business management company, property management company and home diagnostics company (the final four simultaneously!)
seems like problem solving really was the core of what he enjoys. when the economy threw him a curve ball, he swung hard and scored a couple new business ventures out of the deal. he seems to thrive when there are problems to solve. unfortunately, running four businesses left little time for us as a family, and the constant management lead to a level of stress that we didn't enjoy.
he was ready to swing a hammer for another construction company in exchange for free mental space, time to create, time with the family. what he got was so much more!
after just one week of putting out the word that he was in the market for a job, he got a call.
last week he started working for a residential design-build company. he will, naturally, working on business solutions to help them run more efficiently. he has an office, a paycheck, and evenings and weekend off!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
evenings feel like vacation!

no, he isn't around during the day to join us for lunch. he can't pop in to help me lift something, he can't run to the kitchen if i leave the house without turning off the oven. i can't take off an run a quick errand after i put the kids down for a nap. we don't get to end the day early, or watch a movie in the afternoon while the kids rest. we can't push the snooze button too many times. we've enjoyed these perks.

we've traded them in for a different set of perks; paid time off, weekends to do our own projects, someone else bearing the weight of responsibility, consistent paycheck and wearing a different set of clothes. i'm thinking we need to make a quilt out of all these gray SMS t-shirts and carharts.

i am so proud of him. so grateful for the years of working so hard to make things happen. so impressed with his creativity, diversity and ability to bring an idea to fruition. i am so thankful that others recognize talent and value it.

so here's to my man!
and here's to working for the man!

sweet violet

as much as i love cooking and baking, and hand made, home grown, fresh-from-the-garden, locally made, i am really new to the preserving thing.
i just learned how to can a few years ago and LOVE it! each year we will can more than the last!
i finally broke down and made jam. not like i needed convincing, i like jam and to find jam without all the crap means it is probably cheaper to make my own. i just haven't done it.
until this week when our friend sent us the link to a recipe for violet jam. as soon as jackson saw the post he started rattling off all the spots where he has seen violets blooming. i had to hold him back until we had the necessary ingredients - not many, but for one who has never made jam, i didn't have pectin on hand.
we gathered, we measured and even without the blender (i forgot it had broken) it still turned out beautifully and tasted so sweet!

S.S.S.G

some friends hosted a low-tech, short video contest. cell phones, laptops cameras...under three minutes. naturally, we entered a few of our home videos.
the friday night film festival was awesome! red carpet, many in black tie (we didn't get that memo), lights, cameras, popcorn.
it was the second event for our kiddos that evening, so we were on the edge, but they did amazingly, intently watching each video and expressing genuine joy for each entry, clapping loudly!
there were many awards, and you can imagine our joy when the award for

Best Costume

went to
Super Speedy Safe Guy

Jackson's very own creation. that's right, the costume that ended up being his halloween costume, instead of the robot he worked on for hours. S.S.S.G. is an every day character in our home

hope that worked. never posted a video before!

i don't think he realized there were many awards that evening, because he was walking around with this surprised look on his face exclaiming to everyone, "I WON!!! I can't believe I WON!!" at church two days later it was sweet to see another young winner wearing his medal as well.
jackson has been wearing his medal every day since the festival, over a week now.

the other entries were really amazing!

• best actor went to a lego guy. created by a father/son duo
• best story went to another young artist who used her stuffed animals to act out the story!
• one of my favorites was a wendell berry poem, the path, spoken by different voices and using over 3,000 still photos (i don't even know how one does that!!) to create the film

clearly we have talent in our community! it was so fun to see the submissions and i am already looking forward to next year!

riding a bike

my mom reminds me often that i was nearly five before i was riding a two-wheeler. my sister must have been an over achiever, because here is my four-and-a-half year old, on the cusp of riding! last summer he and hubby worked quite a bit, but this long winter has been a long break. just a few weeks ago, he started practicing, all on his own! back and forth along the backyard path, using his feet to carefully balance. we are so proud of his diligence, determination and self-motivation!the focus is awesome!
the pride and joy is fantastic!
and claire busily works in the mud. just can't keep her clean.
she's a lot more like my sister, so maybe she'll be an early rider!

the muffin man

our little guy is growing up. right in front of me it is happening! i'm in the midst, and i am completely aware, rather than looking back and seeing the growth! it is awesome. he is more controlled, more responsible, able to do so much!
like making muffins. he wanted to make them, all by himself. it was all i could do to keep my hands from helping a little here and there, but i did it and so did he! made muffins all on his own. i read the instructions and helped a little bit deciphering between 1/2 and 1/4, but he measured, mixed and poured! he even used the back of a knife to level off the top of the flour! the spillage was minimal and the muffins were terrific!

multiple times he told me, "i am so tempted to lick my finger!", but he patiently waited until all the batter was gone before he finished off every little bit left on the spatula and bowl
you can make these tasty muffins too! we used the basic recipe, but made a few adjustments. we soaked the oats in buttermilk, added an extra egg, and used only whole wheat flour. jackson made these for a tea party for the grandmas, and i am embarrassed to say that i didn't get a photo of the three of them! but here is the table and the menu he chose; muffins, popcorn, cashews and a little ginger chew for each person.


jackson likes the little gold teacup that i got from my grandmother and i love that he put the nuts in the saucer.

first of the spring cleaning

every afternoon we find the sunniest spot on the couch to read a book before rest time. we curl up like little kittens and snuggle together. the sunlight that has been pouring through our two south facing windows this week has almost keep us warm these frigid winter days.
and every afternoon i look at those windows and notice how absolutely filthy they are!!!
i put the kids down for their naps and completely forget about those windows.
until yesterday!
it is so satisfying to look up into the blue sky and see clearly.

the laundry, on the other hand, is an ongoing process. but this week we jazzed it up a bit. i have never separated laundry. well, i do keep hubby's extra dirty clothes in a load all their own, and i guess i separate the heavier items, like towels, but i never separate colors.
this week i got bit. i forgot the new red and white rug had never been washed. thankfully it was just in with some rags and diapers, but now they are all pretty and pink!