when will it end?

this weekend i was nearly attacked. by my husband.

it is hard to walk out the door, leaving my babe crying, "mamaaaaaa", but i feel okay since i am leaving her with her favorite parent. when i got to the car and realized i forgot two things in the house, i dreaded that leaving thing again. unsuccessful at calling hubby to leave the items on the porch, i tip-toed in the back door in hopes of sneaking in and out without the kiddos noticing.
how could i have forgotten that the residual affect from our break-in would not allow that? i almost made it out when the door flung open, my hubby ready to attack. i'm not sure what he thought he would do with claire under one arm.
we both collapsed, relieved, but really shook up and spent the next hour or more recovering; heart racing, mid fluttering with the what-if's, then remembering again that horrible night.

it is amazing how the trauma can remain, and really affects us multiple times a week, when there has been so much resolution and healing surrounding that initial event.
just before christmas, we were able to go to the sentencing for our case. brian was there, and we were able to share how his choices have affected us, our family and our community. he heard us, expressed regret for his actions, and accepted his consequences quietly. we were encouraged to see repentance and a desire to make changes; he had already enrolled himself in a treatment program. hearing more about his story and the pieces leading up to that night made me understand (tho not excuse) his actions. part of me even wanted to invite him to our home for a meal, or help with his children.

we are thankful for so much healing.
yet the ripple affect of one poor choice continues.