cancer

I am reading the Penderwicks to Jackson before bedtime, a sweet story about four girls on a summer vacation and the adventures they have with a curious little boy.  About four chapters into the story we read that the girls' mother died of cancer when the youngest was small.  Jackson occasionally stops me to define a word or read a section over, but waited until the chapter was over to ask, "what is cancer?"

I was pretty sure he wouldn't miss that detail, but anticipated a conversation about the girls loosing their mother.  He was more concerned about the science behind cancer; what is it?  how do you get it?  how do you know you have it?  what can you do about it?  

for over an hour we talked about "little balls of sickness"(my definition of a tumor), rapidly growing cells, mammograms, radiation, chemotherapy, antioxidants and other cancer-fighting foods.  i was glad i had my google friend on hand for help with definitions, then later ended up at the library looking for more information. 

"ladies should get a mammogram like EVERY day!" he exclaimed until i questioned whether he would like to visit the doctor every day.

"we have a lot of really smart people in this world.  why haven't they figured out a cure for cancer yet?" he asked.  good question.  

the following morning we juiced a bunch of veggies for breakfast.  when our neighbor came down for a visit jackson informed him that he was having kale for breakfast so he didn't get cancer. it is a little morbid to hear a six-year-old talk so much about cancer, but he really seems interested in the science around it and wants to help figure out a solution.  it is exciting to see how his brain works, fueled by knowledge he desires to think more deeply about things.  he isn't content with just one answer, one solution.  he's the scenario man.  my mother-in-law says that hubby thought about things in the same way.  

yesterday he filled up hubby's thermos with water and headed out to the back yard.  "i'm having a meeting out back", he told me.  i asked what the meeting was about and he replied, "we are taking turns coming up with ideas for cures for cancer.   

when he came home from school he practically scolded me, "mom!  you didn't give me any cancer-fighting foods in my lunch!"  i guess our prior conversation about wanting to buy a school lunch is over.

our friends brought over a bottle of wine for dinner and jackson exclaimed, "hey!  wine is a cancer-fighting food, can i have a glass?"

so, if you know of any good books about cancer, i'd love to hear about them!  

and, eat your greens!

school days

a season of life has ended and a new one begun. i made my first school lunch today.

as i cut the veggies and portioned out its dip, i felt a little tug on my heart.

my boy made a big step in independence. today was the first day of kindergarten. full day kindergarten. i have had the honor of spending the majority of his waking moments in his company and loved almost all of them! his passion for discovery has inspired me to find so much joy in learning about life together. his creativity is amazing, his sensitivity has helped me verbalize my own thoughts more clearly, and he is seriously so very funny!

it feels like a big moment to pass this baton (a seven hour chunk of his day) over to another teacher. while this might seem dramatic, my biggest fear is that i will get his leftovers. the exhausted moments, the meltdowns will be saved for me, while his best energy will be spent with other people.

at the same time, we are thrilled to have a school that we love, within walking distance (he can practically see home from his classroom window!), and have more resources for his learning and development! we are excited to join the school as a family and participate in his learning together.

it helped that he has been very excited to start school. he was up and dressed with plenty of time to play with claire before the banana split breakfast (with yogurt instead of ice cream and warm berries as the sauce). i thought it would be a fun way to begin the year with a special breakfast, but the joke was on me. i forgot my kids have never had a banana split and had no idea what i was talking about. claire asked if it would taste like her spit. maybe this weekend we'll have to have real banana splits!

claire packed a backpack, jackson wore his "X-ray vision" glasses (old sunglasses with missing lenses), and we walked to school.

he had a great day. he remembered a few kids names, thinks his teacher is nice, and had "the shortest recess EVER!".

but, he loved his lunch!! he asked if i could make him veggies and dip again tomorrow.

office break

the kids spent close to an hour playing office today.

they created their own "offices", including office spaces for Doggy, Baby Liz and other stuffed animals; the piano bench, a play table, the dining room table, a cardboard box.

they each had a "cup of coffee" (thermos of water and a mug) and a stack of papers.

claire was a manager and jackson was "in charge of all the managers and the entire office" (C.O.O)

they named the company, "All Around the World" because they employed people from around the globe.

what do they do?

"organize craft projects and design houses"

they tried to hire me, so took me on an office tour, introducing me to the employees. "office #2 is your office. just look above the door and see if you can spot the #2!" jackson told me.

lucky for me they gave me my real office, and not the cardboard box!

my first assignment was to design a home and show it to jackson when i finished. i received a nod and a pleasant, "that is VERY creative"

i asked about cleaning services because the office spaces seemed a little cluttered and needing of a good sweep/mop (my task for today). he told me that all the managers stay late to work together to clean up the office.

"i've owned this company for 100 years!!" he exclaimed to me.

and we just hired a chef, so i think i'm going to like working here!

artful life

last night i went to an artists discussion at a local art gallery. a few of my friends had pieces in the show. the curator, my friend sarah, spent the past year exploring art and motherhood, where she took and posted one photograph each day for the entire year. it was beautiful to spend the year with her and it made me think about how something i really value (art) has been put on hold during these early years of mothering. the discussion furthered those thoughts, validated the pause that mothering has placed on some of my art, and helped me see a bigger picture of the ebb and flow of expressing myself thru art.

prior to having children i didn't' really consider myself an artist. i did art. i did a lot of other non-art things too. i did them when i felt the need to create.

when i thought about what i wanted to be when i grew up my dream was always to be a mother. sadly, i romanticised that profession just a bit, so when the darlings came along i was in a bit of shock about how hard it really was to be a mother. exhausting. time-consuming. emotional. draining. lonely.

and i missed art. i no longer had the luxury of crafting when i felt the urge. i had an obligation to a little person and work with his schedule, which was a more than full-time job. if i had any extra time, i was usually exhausted, preferring to go to bed early rather than pull out an art project.

i no longer had as much choice to do what i wanted. yet i would hear the refrain, "you make room for what is important". yeah, and i'd like to take a shower more often too - am i just not prioritizing that too??

if art truly is important to me, i have to make time for it. and if it is important to me, i certainly want to pass that love along to my children. for that to happen, they have to actually see me DO art.

so i had to rethink art, how to do it and even what form of art to do now and which ones to keep on the back burner.

photography was easy - i would just take billions of photos of my delicious children. both my kids now love to take pictures.

arts and crafts have become more like junk art with the kids participation. the recycle bin is a treasure box of supplies, and recycling the kids art into new art has been a fun way to keep our collection at bay.

projects have to be short as our work space now will be our dinner table in a couple hours.

our craft supplies have replaced the linens and serving dishes in the built in buffet so that they are easy to get when we feel the need to transform the dining room table into a craft table, and can be stashed away quickly.

bigger projects are on hold. i don't have the space to keep a bigger ongoing project open, nor children with the self-control to leave it alone.

my knitting went on hold for a few years, but now we do handwork together. i work on my knitting or sewing while the kids do their handwork. weaving, hand sewing with a large needle, felting and a knitting machine (i think my grandmother had a similar gadget made from a spool). we sit together, help each other and talk.

other forms of art continue to wait for a season that can better support it; painting and quilting.

at the artist discussion last night one woman said, "having children was the most artistic expression i have ever done". i liked that. in fact, creating a person is art!

halloween, two weeks later

i have never loved halloween. i don't like to be scared, i don't like spending money to buy crap for a country that already consumes far too much sugar, and i don't like my own kids to eat the stuff. it has been fairly easy to avoid, until last year when jackson spent a month working on a robot costume (never mind that on halloween he decided he'd rather be super-speedy-safe-guy instead of wearing the costume that consumed us for a month!)

this year we knew it would be challenging at best to avoid the holiday, so we decided instead to rethink it.

we love the creative costumes and have pretty creative kids, so we talked more about our costumes. jackson found an austronaut costume at a thrift store this summer, and designed a rocket to go with it. we all worked together on a bird "helmet" for claire to wear along with pink, pink and more pink.

last year we let the kids choose a few of their favorite candies to keep in a jar and we threw the rest away. that worked well and kept the HFCS to a minimum in our house. this year we heard about another idea and created our own version of the tooth fairy's offer!

steve told a great story about the tooth fairy partnering with the dental association and holistic doctors to make this once a year offer to kids: leave your candy on your doorknob and in exchange you'll receive a gift. immediately jackson's excitement grew! what kind of a gift would she give? we weren't sure, so we asked him what he thought would be a good gift.

a toothbrush.

sounds good to me!

i'm not hot on telling a big story to manipulate our kids, and the last thing we need is one more person who comes into our house while we are sleeping! occasionally, while we are snuggled on the couch, the kids will hunker in closer, look at the fireplace cautiously and ask if santa is coming down. i want them to know who gives them gifts and have the opportunity to express gratitude. i also like the opportunity to excite their imagination, especially with some honest conversations about belief. over the next couple days we talked about whether or not there is a tooth fairy, who she might be, what she might do with all that candy! inside they know that we're the ones that went out and bought that toothbrush (and a baby doll onesie and deck of cards), but i'm okay with them pretending that the tooth fairy really came.

the story of Jesus is, after all, pretty crazy!

the kitchen cure

something had to be done.

i appreciate mom unpacking my kitchen 5 years ago. (i also appreciate her doing dishes all day every day she is here visiting, but that's another story). i had a new baby, a new house, a newly remodeled kitchen and i was grateful to have one less thing to do. five years later i am ready to reorganize and purge things from my kitchen. its a small kitchen with lots of storage, but most of it out of reach for little me. the very reachable space is also very accessable to two curious kids who i think are finally old enough to know what they can touch. claire is as obsessed with my glass blue beehive blender as i am , so i will keep it out of reach since she accidently broke my last one!

i digress.

i've been ready to really get after it, but i really needed the help of a friend to help me make decisions, and two days without the kids around. then really, if i get a friend, and two days without the kids, would we really clean my kitchen??

then i saw this post on a blog i occasionally follow. BINGO! a month is much more reasonable length of time for me to do a makeover on my kitchen. the motivation i needed and the weekly checklist to go along with it!

so, last week was the pantry and the refrigerator. seriously, even that was a lot for one week!

i'm going to bare all and show you the before and after photos

a.) because YOU are really the ones that will hold me accountable to continuing this!

2.) i am already really proud of myself

3.) it is fun to see before and after shots!

d.) i'd love your feedback - ideas, suggestions. i still want more counter space and more cuteness

so, here are the before for the spice shelves and pantry! snug, i know!

not too bad, but a lot of spices dusting the bottom shelf, and the basket full of misc spices and jars

the pull out drawers are awesome, but (aside from the bottom two) there wasn't really a place for everything.

and after.....

i know, it still looks crowded, but when you cook from scratch, the pantry IS crowded. what you might not notice is that claire and i labeled jars! we also consolidated and put nearly everything into jars (rather than plastic bags from the bulk food section)

the bottom drawer is snack stuff - nuts, fruit, popcorn

the second from the bottom is dry goods - grains, beans

the next shelf up is baking goods - sugars, misc flours, oils

then there is the adult snack shelf - chocolate, a few boxed mixes, more chocolate

then i moved my foil and wraps to the next shelf (they had been above the refrigerator in a sloppy stack that always fell over). behind them are the rice papers for making spring rolls. seriously, keeping those from getting broken was crazy as they balanced on top of other things - behind the wraps - brilliant.

top shelf is very misc stuff that i don't use often - the bulk bags of bulk teas, steve's jerky making ingredients, white sugar

and the spice cupboard? the hubs noticed before i even told him i signed up for this gig! it might not look too different, but i purged at least 10 jars of spices we just don't use, some old coffee from the top shelf and a few jars with unmatched lids.

found: box of vegetable bullion, extra cumin (my favorite!), and the perfect jar for the bag of home grown oregano

the satisfaction will continue as i battle the refrigerator!

heart strings

starting preschool has made more of an impact on our life than i anticipated!
jackson is going to a little neighborhood dual immersion preschool three mornings a week. it is great and over all we LOVE it! it is really close, very diverse, has a really active community of parents and teachers, and he is learning spanish!
that said, it is amazing how three little mornings a week can feel like so much!

• three days where we really shouldn't try to do much else, lest we get overstimulated
• six extra commutes.
• waking up my deep sleeper every. single. morning!
• finally (i know you scheduled people, i've finally converted) getting ourselves a morning routine.
• stopping the morning play, the best play of the day
• being on time. in the morning!

the first few weeks were hard, he wanted to go to school, but he didn't want to leave me. he didn't want to miss out on what claire and i were doing without him! he would cling to my leg, beg me not to leave, or to take him with me. ironically, claire wanted to be a part of the class and would beg to stay just 5 more minutes, every day! we climaxed a week ago when he began to cry as i left. the day he was holding my leg and claire was prostrate on the ground because she wanted to stay, i asked for back up. for one pretty miserable week (just three mornings) i would stay for only 5 minutes, then a teacher would come take jackson while claire and i left. i couldn't' watch, knowing he was clawing at the walls, the door, anything to come to me. i couldn't look because i knew it was the right thing to do, and peeking would only make me question what i already knew.

preschool is about separation. at the end of the day he only had great things to say about school, so i knew he enjoyed it. the teachers are wonderful and we knew we were leaving him in good care. so it was really the act of watching me leave without him and knowing he was missing out on something else that made him doubt.

the following week was magic - he initiated goodbye, he walked away from me to a project table, he gave me a kiss without hanging on my neck.

considering we had him enrolled for kindergarten this fall i'd say we made the right decision to take a year of preschool! next year he just might be going to school 5 days a week all day long! geez! that is a lot!

i have (okay, still do) thought about the idea of home schooling. i know it would be really difficult for me, but there is so much about it i would really enjoy. already i am missing being his lead teacher! he is only gone from me 7.5 hours a week, but i really miss being the one to see the delight in his eye as he discovers something new. i miss walking with him as he figures something out. i miss being able to point something out that i know will challenge his thinking.

and already i am getting an unsatisfying answer to the question, "how was school?". i have to eavesdrop when he talks with his doggy to hear a few more details.

at the same time, i know that it is my job to help him become a strong individual who knows himself independent from me. a person who has the tools to work thru his thoughts, make decisions, and have confidence in his beliefs. i want him to be able to listen to other perspectives, work in groups, be a positive, helpful person in the community, and grow into the person God made him to be.

i want that.

i know we can't lead him in that alone. my old refrain again - we need our community to help us with that. maybe it is that our relationship with this school is still really new, whereas our relationships with the others who are helping us raise our children are relationships we have fostered for years! i am needing to trust as we grow our relationship.

this is good for me.

and i am still processing all this...the desire to protect, the desire to trust, the desire to let go, the desire to hold on, knowing the balance of these desires.

lady of leisure

on friday mornings we go to swimming lessons along with a group of kids who come with their daycare provider. we've been with this group since jackson was 6 months old, mom/tot style, and really like it. this is the first year where both the kids are in the older class, leaving me free to swim laps!!
last week a couple of the ladies called me a lady of leisure as i came out of the water. even though i am sure they meant no ill by the comment, it really bothered me.
i have never, ever, in my entire life had a regular exercise schedule. ever. it has always felt like a perk. i should go for a bike ride or walk AFTER i get my work done. that never happens, so exercise never really does either. it hasn't been a really big deal since i have always had physical jobs. i delivered newspapers, babysat, and worked at a garden center. i know, you are perhaps remembering my days as a barista and picturing me sipping latte's and taking down a pastry or two each shift. well, i also stood all day, running back and forth from car to car, taking orders (this was no drive thru, rather a drive UP to). and don't under estimate the weight of a gallon of milk, lifted up and out of a refrigerator!
my job now is even more active, i actually even get my heart going some days!
at the same time, now that we are raising children it has made me think about how i teach my children the value of taking care of our bodies when i have never placed a high value on exercise. i really thought about it a lot when the kids were little. biking and walking were the best things for that stage. once jackson started walking (before 10mo) he wanted nothing to do with being buckled into a stroller or bike trailer. this made walking pure misery. claire tolerates a stroller much better, and now that jackson can ride a bike on his own, we can go on a family bike ride together. i have not, however attempted that alone!
doing yoga and stretching together results in me turning into a jungle gym.
the kids biking is more like a stroll for me.
so during the week we have been limited to romping around in the back yard, claire and i strolling behind jackson on his bike, and the once a week yoga at the Y (with free childcare!!)
but, now preschool has started, and wouldn't you know there isn't a class i can take between the hours of dropping him off and picking him up. the class times just don't work.
that leaves friday swimming.
30 minutes for me to swim by myself.
30 minutes of exercise for an entire week.
30 minutes a week of trying to push myself.
which i am sure is why that comment bothered me. i am not a lady of leisure! i work hard and certainly do not consider my small workout leisurely! it feels more like an accomplishment. we are exercising together!

how do you exercise with small children?

hope.

when jackson was born i had no idea what the reality of having children was all about. coming to terms with my reality was brutal. i was sleep deprived and had a child who would cry when i put him down. accomplishing daily life stuff was monumental; laundry, grocery shopping, cooking food. the basics, right? but there were days i just didn't get to it! how could this wee little one zap it all from me?
i was overwhelmed.
i felt depressed.
i was sad more than i had ever felt in my life.
i went to see a therapist.
for the most part she was helpful, but one unhelpful comment had been in bold highlight in my memory ever since. "when i think about those early years, i think about sitting by the pool sipping iced tea with my friends, watching the kids play"
WHATTTTTTT?!!!
didn't she just hear me cry my eyes out to her about how sad i felt about motherhood? how i wasn't feeling connected like i heard other mothers talk about with dreamy looks in their eyes as they swooned over their babes? didn't she realize how comments like hers were the ones that made me feel even more like something was wrong with me?!
i know what she meant. perhaps she just blocked out those earlier years. perhaps her experience was different than mine.
i thought a lot about that comment this summer because this was the summer finally got to sit by the pool and sip iced tea.
it was more of an exhausted, collapsed by the pool kind of feeling, but certainly different than previous years.
a summer of...FINALLY!!
all the big changes in our family life came to a head this summer.
the new job for hubby has given great relief (tho not necessarily fewer hours - yet!), the kids are more independant and enjoy playing together.
it felt like a big sigh. while appearing more restful, it wasn't exactly so. we've just been so deprived that there is a lot of catching up to do in many areas. this was the summer to begin to see a change.
now that the leaves are changing and there is a crispness in the air i can't help but feel a twinge of anxiety, wondering what this winter will be like. PTL we've had some really lovely weeks of true fall weather (unlike last year where it seemed to jump right from summer to winter!)
maybe this winter will be one of savoring sips of hot drinks and reading on the couch. maybe this winter will be the one where claire starts to sleep through the night. maybe this will be the winter we feel refreshed by the minnesota cold.
the fog has begun to lift and that is a start.

death and dying.

i'll be honest. i avoid talking about death with my children.
i don't really know how to talk with young children about death. i don't think they have the concept of permanence that we do as adults, so it might not be as hard for them, but my children are already so emotional that i really just don't want to have to deal with extra emotion until we need to. and we haven't had the sorrow of loosing someone really close since they have been born.
a friend lost her father this week. at church we prayed for her and her family and my children heard every word. they were concerned, especially claire. she couldn't take her eyes off Rachel, and kept giving me the play-by-play on whether she was crying or not. she didn't want to get too close, go give her a hug, or ask rachel herself what was wrong, but she wanted to talk with me about it. multiple times during the gathering she asked me why rachel was crying and i said she was feeling sad.
"why is she feeling sad?"
"because her dad died", i responded. cringe. how will she take that? will she immediately connect this death with the potential she has for her own dad to die? nope.
"why did he die?" she asked.
i told her his heart had stopped working.
why. that's right, we're two now, every answer is responded with another why.
"that is a mystery." i told her. i don't know why someone has a heart attack who is otherwise healthy.
all the rest of the evening together, we repeated this exact conversation over and over. at one point claire exclaimed, "she's not crying anymore! she's smiling! her dad is back!!"
that evening as we were in the bathroom getting ready for bed, we had the conversation again. then claire wanted to role play. "mom, you be rachel and i'll be me and you be crying".
i sniffed, pretending to cry.
c- "why are you crying?"
me - "i'm feeling sad"
c- "why?"
me - "because my dad died"
c - "ooooohh" she came over to me and put her arm gently around my neck, "i forgive you" she whispered. then reaching with her other arm over to jackson, who was on the toilet, she declared, "GROUP HUG!!!"

clearly only some of the depth was understood, but i think it is the most important part. the value of being present, giving a gentle touch, a hug when needed. sometimes i want to retreat when things get awkward, people are uncomfortable, or i don't have a clue what to say. just when i think i'm leading my children through life, i find they can teach me so much.

a year goes by

last night we had some friends over for dinner. we were saying goodbye on the porch when i noticed the spattering of color on the front lawn. a few rose heads, some leaves, a couple hydrangea flowers, a couple phlox. then i realized my entire hydrangea bush had been deflowered. my friend remembered noticing the blooming bush when they arrived. so, while we were dining, someone came by and clipped off all the flowers.
then i remembered the exact thing happened last year.
seriously?? who thinks that is okay?!
I'll admit, i cut lilacs from bushes that are not my own, but i choose ones that belong to apartment buildings, not homes. or ones that are clearly neglected. and i certainly don't strip an entire bush!
wow.
it could have been worse. much worse. it doesn't compare to the home invasion, which we can now say was a year ago.
there has been much healing. my mind has nearly erased those crazy worst-case-scenario recordings that would play over and over in my thoughts. i can sleep deeply again. i can watch a movie without hearing things. i don't clench my elbow when i go down the hallway. when we do hear noises, we are still compelled to check things out, but i don't hold my phone with 911 already dialed - not every time.
we are grateful.
we think about Brian often and wonder how he is doing. we have hope that he has received the help that was offered to him at the hearing, and has moved towards healing as well.

ode to the man

self-employment ended last week.
after 15 years of being his own boss, the hubs finally felt ready to let someone else be the boss.

it feels appropriate to acknowledge a few of the unique and varied jobs he has created for himself over the years.
it was around first grade when he felt like the school bus needed some organization, so he created bus monitors and delegated the role to different peers. this lasted a few weeks until the bus driver realized what was happening and called it quits. his mama could see leadership right from the start, even if the principal felt it necessary to reprimand the little problem solver.
later, he and some friends had a booth at school where they would find out the answer to any question (remember, this was long before google)
he ran his own lawn mowing company, painting company, residential remodeling company, business management company, property management company and home diagnostics company (the final four simultaneously!)
seems like problem solving really was the core of what he enjoys. when the economy threw him a curve ball, he swung hard and scored a couple new business ventures out of the deal. he seems to thrive when there are problems to solve. unfortunately, running four businesses left little time for us as a family, and the constant management lead to a level of stress that we didn't enjoy.
he was ready to swing a hammer for another construction company in exchange for free mental space, time to create, time with the family. what he got was so much more!
after just one week of putting out the word that he was in the market for a job, he got a call.
last week he started working for a residential design-build company. he will, naturally, working on business solutions to help them run more efficiently. he has an office, a paycheck, and evenings and weekend off!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
evenings feel like vacation!

no, he isn't around during the day to join us for lunch. he can't pop in to help me lift something, he can't run to the kitchen if i leave the house without turning off the oven. i can't take off an run a quick errand after i put the kids down for a nap. we don't get to end the day early, or watch a movie in the afternoon while the kids rest. we can't push the snooze button too many times. we've enjoyed these perks.

we've traded them in for a different set of perks; paid time off, weekends to do our own projects, someone else bearing the weight of responsibility, consistent paycheck and wearing a different set of clothes. i'm thinking we need to make a quilt out of all these gray SMS t-shirts and carharts.

i am so proud of him. so grateful for the years of working so hard to make things happen. so impressed with his creativity, diversity and ability to bring an idea to fruition. i am so thankful that others recognize talent and value it.

so here's to my man!
and here's to working for the man!

LOST

okay. we are officially addicted.
we never watched a single episode until this year.
we are currently in season 5.
hubby just informed me of the plan i was not aware of; we will be caught up to watch the final finale live.
oh boy.
that means a lot more late nights and a lot more days caring for these people that don't even exist!!!

Surprise!

we didn't get to go to the sunrise easter gathering this year.
little claire bear had pinkeye.
yuck
it did make me happy that i had found a few little things to put in easter eggs to hide. this has been the first year for many traditions. the kids are finally old enough to get it, to understand a bit and to participate in events like an egg hunt.
we talked about how fun it was to wonder what was inside, how surprised they were to even have an egg hunt. that's the kind of surprise friends of Jesus must have felt that morning when they went to the tomb.
for us, just a few little this were HUGE! legos (jackson's new love), temporary tattoos, chocolate covered almonds and a tiny tea set. hubby and jack were immediately immersed in lego, while claire held a tea party for the little lego men.
they've had just as much fun refilling them and hiding them for each other!
i have been enjoying this picture of a bowl of yarn from a friend's house.....ummmmm, lovely texture and colors!


i was surprised to spot the first garage sale of the season today!
even more surprised to find two of my favorite things at this vintage filled sale; coated cast iron and creamy pyrex bowls in a variety of colors! it was a good thing i only had $13 dollars in my pocket and two crazy kids to corral. i came home with this trio of easter-colored bowls!
yes, that is our juicer, a permanent structure on the limited counter space probably until fall. hubby started a cleanse so we are having a juice every morning for breakfast. it feels so good to start the day like that! don't get me wrong, i love my coffee, but i notice a very distinct difference when my first drink is a veg/fruit juice. i feel clean, fresh, energetic. then after an hour or so i have my cup of coffee, not because i need the drink, but because i love the taste of coffee!
this afternoon, using one of our new bowls, we made "cleanse treats" for hubby, and us too.

peanut butter balls
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup raw honey
3 cups oats
1/2 cup ground flax seed
1/2 cup raw nuts, seeds, dried fruit or chocolate chips.
roll into balls, chill, enjoy!


and claire finally put on her easter dress. within an hour it had both blood and dirt stains :)

what's grosser than gross?

reaching up for a cake pan to find that it is filled with water.
smelly water.
water, that has been there for almost a month.
water that dripped from a leak from the upstairs apartment.
water that leaked from their overflowed dishwasher.
water that flowed from a clogged sink.
water from a sink previously clogged for over a week.

i don't really want to bake a cake anymore.

tropical vacation

a friend gave the kids some mangoes so we decided to have a visit to the tropics today. the kids built a fort and imagined they were at the beach while we listened to Bob Marley.
for breakfast we had mango and banana sprinkled with coconut along with a little leftover baked oatmealthen we went for a walk, searching for signs of the tropics.
this required some big imagination since it is barely spring here in minnesota. in fact, we couldn't find a single flower. not one.
as for tropical animals, we just saw our neighborhood "moose under the spruce" who guards a beautiful garden, not yet emerged.
we remained hopeful,we did glimpse a tropical looking deck, one that appeared perfect for viewing wildlife
and tried again to spy some color. just green shoots, which are by no means "just", but GREEN SHOOTS!!!
the last minute discovery was a pink feather, which we were sure was from a flamingo who remained hidden. a coin, a plain old grey feather, a large rock and a collection of sturdy sticks

the muffin man

our little guy is growing up. right in front of me it is happening! i'm in the midst, and i am completely aware, rather than looking back and seeing the growth! it is awesome. he is more controlled, more responsible, able to do so much!
like making muffins. he wanted to make them, all by himself. it was all i could do to keep my hands from helping a little here and there, but i did it and so did he! made muffins all on his own. i read the instructions and helped a little bit deciphering between 1/2 and 1/4, but he measured, mixed and poured! he even used the back of a knife to level off the top of the flour! the spillage was minimal and the muffins were terrific!

multiple times he told me, "i am so tempted to lick my finger!", but he patiently waited until all the batter was gone before he finished off every little bit left on the spatula and bowl
you can make these tasty muffins too! we used the basic recipe, but made a few adjustments. we soaked the oats in buttermilk, added an extra egg, and used only whole wheat flour. jackson made these for a tea party for the grandmas, and i am embarrassed to say that i didn't get a photo of the three of them! but here is the table and the menu he chose; muffins, popcorn, cashews and a little ginger chew for each person.


jackson likes the little gold teacup that i got from my grandmother and i love that he put the nuts in the saucer.

the long winter, for real

during my prep to move to minnesota, i heard story after story about the long and terrible winters, as if cold could scare me out of love! year after year i found myself almost disappointed, hoping i would wake up one morning with snow up to the top of the door frame, just like in the Long Winter. i began to wonder if minnesotan's talk about their winter like seattlites talk about rain; mere attempts to keep the masses from moving to a glorious place on earth. after six years living in the frozen tundra, this is the first winter that has really lived up to the reputation i heard of minnesota.
we've had about 36 inches of snowfall with very little melt. our backyard looks like this right now:

for the first time in 9 years, the city is restricting parking on the even numbered sides of the streets, get this, FOR THE REST OF WINTER!! i can't believe there are so many who still bike around town, but our neighbor has given that up and now his bike looks like this:
little ones can only spend so many minutes outdoors when the temperatures are hovering above zero, so we get creative indoors. lots of fort building, crafting, book reading, letter writing (more on that later), and going on adventures.
last winter almost did me in, so this year we have tried to take advantage of the ways that our city celebrates winter. anything that keeps us distracted long enough outdoors to catch a little bit of natural vitamin d. this has been much easier for jackson than it has for claire, who still has a hard time moving enough to keep herself warm and doesn't believe mittens really have her best intentions in mind. many of the city parks have lakes or flood a portion of the field to make a little skating rink. some even offer free skates to borrow while you play!


we went to a kite festival at Lake Harriet, bought our first kite and flew it splendidly in the frigid winds on the frozen lake. we tried ice fishing, made a beautiful painting using a rubber form of a fish as a stamp, and watched the D&R quickly respond to a little girl who stepped into an ice fishing hole.
the following weekend we toured the Art Shanties on Medicine Lake, little ice houses, each decked out to a different theme; tiny shanty (everything was miniature so it felt like walking into alice in wonderland), dance shanty, Dice shanty (filled with games), art swap shanty jackson spent his saved birthday and christmas money on his first pair of skis! he was thrilled (and we were so glad he chose skis and not a noisy toy) we went to the Loppet as a family and he skied the entire evening while the rest of us went on foot. next year we all hope to do it. i know, we've said that every year since we discovered the magical luminary event. but seriously, next year we'll all be on skis!
of course there is the ever-dripping nose
and the hard work building snow chairs, snow caves, snow forts, and paths thru the snow
it is so fun to see the kids work together!
hot drinks are enhanced by sipping them from beautiful mugs. super cosy mittens (these i found in the free box at a thrift store and i LOVE them!)
and maple snow. it doesn't get much better than fresh snow with a little maple syrup and raw milk poured over. D-lightful! just like the Ingalls girls did back in the Big Woods
jackson completely embraced winter this year. he wants to be the one to shovel snow, he plays outside, alone, building tunnels in the snow. his favorite part of yesterday was working with grandpy to break up the ice. i'm trying to pay attention and learn to love it more than endure it, but this time of year it is hard to forget the February i grew up with; first blooms of the year brilliantly shining out of bright green grass.
sigh.
we wont' see that for another month or two.

first of the spring cleaning

every afternoon we find the sunniest spot on the couch to read a book before rest time. we curl up like little kittens and snuggle together. the sunlight that has been pouring through our two south facing windows this week has almost keep us warm these frigid winter days.
and every afternoon i look at those windows and notice how absolutely filthy they are!!!
i put the kids down for their naps and completely forget about those windows.
until yesterday!
it is so satisfying to look up into the blue sky and see clearly.

the laundry, on the other hand, is an ongoing process. but this week we jazzed it up a bit. i have never separated laundry. well, i do keep hubby's extra dirty clothes in a load all their own, and i guess i separate the heavier items, like towels, but i never separate colors.
this week i got bit. i forgot the new red and white rug had never been washed. thankfully it was just in with some rags and diapers, but now they are all pretty and pink!

best yet, and striving for a better score!

the entire family was up at 4 something this morning.
i was confused.
the bright side of it all was that claire had the longest sleep, uh, since i can remember. a full straight 7 hours. she was up at 4, but thankfully went back to sleep for a bit.
hubby was restless and gets this way some early mornings. it doesn't make sense to him to just lie in bed, awake, so he goes to work.
jackson had to pee, was thirsty, and since everyone else was awake, he must have thought it was morning.
i think i was the only one who really, really wanted to be in bed!
really.

we've begun a new sleep regime with claire, in hopes of better sleep. she gets a bedtime tonic, a mixture of calcium and trace minerals in a little juice. our hope is that this will help calm her muscles, fulfill any mineral deficiency and keep her asleep longer.
we also began Hylands, Calm Forte 4 kids. this is a homeopathic treatment specifically for night terrors, growing pains, sleeplessness, general restlessness - any of which could be an issue for the little one. they are easy to slip in her mouth during a night waking and they melt in her mouth.

we are hanging onto hope, still claiming that quiet night.